why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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