I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
