My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
