Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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