I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
