If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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