i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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