I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her