If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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