she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in