also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance