You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
