sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups