just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!