I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?