Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
