Screwed.edu
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
