I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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