just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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