she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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