I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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