My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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