he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
