I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
