You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
