if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize