First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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