just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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