Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
