I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
