tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
