these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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