Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize