Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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