how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
