its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
