just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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