I love black thongs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
