You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
