Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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