You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
