White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
