Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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