literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nutella sex= disaster
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
