i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
