I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
