So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
