I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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