It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
