why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
