There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
