Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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