no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
