everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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