onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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