I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
