i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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