high people should be assigned attendants
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
