Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
