dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
