I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Someone shit on the floor
operation harelip BJ is a go
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
