Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
