jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
