I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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