it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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