i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you would pick up someone in the library
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
