I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
