duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
