Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
