once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
