oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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