At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fuck appropriateness.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
