well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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