oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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