No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
