I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
