life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
