I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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