when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
