I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
