The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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