I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
