I think i peed on brittanys purse
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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