im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
