Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
