can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
