Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
