matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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