wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
