My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
