No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
