I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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