I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
