I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
