I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
