why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
